Phases of the Moon
by artemis-nz
Summary: The thoughts that bind us, the actions that define us, and the love that holds us. Touya/Yuki.


_Someone (I don't know who, they were not signed in), said in a review that I had not written anything of much length for a while. Sorry, guys! I had been trying my hand at drabbles, but hopefully this fic is a bit more satisfying, length-wise. It felt good writing it, that's for sure - getting back to my first pairing love. Hope you enjoy._

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Thoughts that bind us. **_Full moon._

The snow combined with Yukito's feet, covered securely in thick boots, made small crunching noises with each step. He stopped by the tree; it was bereft of cherry blossoms now, but soon, so very soon he could almost taste it on the wind, it would arrive. Spring, in all it's colourful, vivid and noisy glory. There would be mud, but there would be birds singing too, and bikes instead of walking, and maybe cherry blossoms falling on occasion around them. He would ride on the back of Touya's bike again, and maybe Touya would pluck one fallen cherry blossom from Yukito's head and laugh, and that laugh might be the best sound Yuki would hear all day, all the more a blessing because it was so rare - not that Touya was grumpy, just reserved.

It wasn't his imagination; Yukito could hear that laugh. Not quite the same laugh used for him, but a laugh nonetheless. Yukito was glad that Sakura could make Touya laugh also - he would have felt guilty if he laughed with him but not Touya's sister. And there they were, Sakura looking just a little strange without those pink roller-blades, and Touya looking quite dignified in that large dark coat that made his shoulders look broader, his face and hands paler, his hair darker, his eyes-

"Yukito!"

Sakura had a big grin on her face and was blushing pinker that the cherry blossoms would have been. At least, Yukito assumed she was blushing and that she didn't have a fever... but of course that was ridiculous. Gruff, protective Touya would have never allowed Sakura out of the house if she had a fever. Sister-complex-

"Yuki."

It was a ritual. Touya said his name, Yuki said Touya's name. An acknowledgment of sorts, although an acknowledgment of what Yukito was never quite sure.

"To-ya."

Touya's name always came out differently, too. Yukito had been shy about that at first, but Touya hadn't seemed to mind. Now it was as natural as breathing. As natural as Touya teasing Sakura, just as he was doing now. His own smile became a smirk, and Sakura, if possible, became pinker. Yukito might have guessed why if Touya hadn't then turned his attention towards him, and Yukito was far too polite to ask or comment (and even if he had, there was the high chance that Sakura would not have been able to answer, stuttering and making her even more embarrassed. That would have been cruel).

"Did you get that homework done okay?"

"-What? Oh, yes. It wasn't too hard."

Touya didn't miss much. Yukito made a quick recovery but Touya's eyes narrowed. He didn't say anything though, for which Yukito was grateful.

"Hm. Squirt, hurry up."

This directed to Sakura, who loitered behind looking adorably disappointed with something. Yukito had a vague idea of what that might have been and was sure to flash her a friendly smile. She immediately brightened and abruptly proceeded once more to turn pink. Touya only glared.

"Cheer up, Touya, it's only the first day of a new term!"

"It's not that", he replied, but didn't elaborate further.

Yukito waved goodbye at Sakura's school gate. Touya didn't wave but Yukito knew he was thinking about her, because he stood and watched until Sakura had gone inside before starting to walk again, briskly because of the cold. Yukito walked cheerfully beside him. He didn't mind the snow. But then, he didn't really mind anything. Not today.

"To-ya?"

"Hm? What's up?"

"... Nothing. It's just such a beautiful day."

Touya looked at him steadily. "You're as weird as Sakura sometimes", he said. But he said it fondly, and Yukito felt something leap in his chest. He couldn't wait until spring.

**Actions that define us. **_Shadow moon._

The snow was oppressive. Not windy, not even snowing as he was walking. But it was cold - too cold, too much of it. It wasn't like Yukito, but he hadn't felt like himself lately either. Eating so much, even for him. Sleeping more, far longer than was strictly necessary, he was sure. Touya knew, although Yukito had been careful not to say anything at all. But Touya always knew things like that. That thought used to be comforting. Now, it was something else altogether. Not comfortable. Not himself... he shivered, pulling the coat tighter around him. It was a pale brown, he couldn't help but notice. Not that the colour was so unusual in itself, but in comparison...

Yukito glanced across to wear Touya walked beside him, keeping his silence even though Yukito had the feeling Touya had also been watching him. That dark coat still fit him, but Yukito swore Touya had grown still a little taller. He practically gleamed with health, his eyes alert and wary. Beside him, Yukito imagined that he looked very different. He could no longer ignore the way his skin was pale to the point of being almost translucent. It might have been his imagination, but his eyes seemed dull - hadn't they been so much more alive just one season ago? Hadn't he and Touya laughed together, ate lunch together, played sports together? Now it seemed that Yukito was so tired as to not be able to do even these tasks which, just one year ago, he had probably taken for granted.

It hurt. Mentally, physically, it hurt. Even through the haze that the days seemed to pass in, the seemingly endless winter that held on and would be released, his mind hurt. He had never been wounded before, and yet now there was so little time between school and sleeping that the sudden tear between himself and Touya was far too intense. Yukito wished he could make time stop, just for a few moments, so that he and Touya could talk. Just like before. He missed that time with a fierce ache that sometimes manifested itself physically, so that he was often not only sleepy but also short of breath, shaky, feverish. It came to the point where Yukito was almost ashamed of walking beside Touya - because, despite missing the old times, he knew that he had been the one to change, not his friend. It was his fault.

"To-ya..."

"Mm?"

"I miss the spring."

"Me too. But you always seemed to like the winter anyway."

"I did."

Touya couldn't have missed the way Yukito said it, using past tense. He expected Touya would say something, but he just shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to walk. The sick feeling that had been building up inside Yukito for the last couple of days rose in his throat. The world spun.

"Yuki!"

"Uh... yeah?"

Touya wasn't stupid. He would see that Yukito was leaning on the base of the tree for support, and that he was now shivering uncontrollably despite the coat and the scarf and the gloves and multiple layers of clothing, and that even the tree support was not quite enough-

"You should have stayed home!"

Now Touya was angry. His voice hurt and Yukito winced.

"... Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But you're sick, Yuki. You should get some sleep at home. Being at school will do you no good."

"But, To-ya... I've slept so much already. It'll pass, I promise."

The world steadied, but only because Touya was now supporting him instead of the tree.

"I'll take you home."

"You don't have to-"

"I want to. Can't you understand that?"

That last sentence would have sounded accusatory on anyone else's' lips, but on Touya's it sounded different. Not angry any more. Something else. Yukito might have been able to work it out if he had not been so tired. Yukito leaned heavily on Touya's shoulder all the way back.

"I'm sorry. You'll be late now."

Touya didn't answer apart from shrugging.

Yukito felt himself tire more, even as Touya was now doing most of the work for him. "We should talk more", he said drowsily. In any other situation he would have syatyed silent, scared of what Touya would reply.

But Touya smiled at him, the first real smile Yukito had seen for a while. "Idiot", he said fondly. "Actions speak louder than words don't they?"

Yukito expected Touya to go head back to school when they reached the front door of the house - Touya's house, not his own - Yukito noticed with surprise. But Touya led him all the way upstairs and, before Yukito could protest, instructed him to lie down in Touya's bed.

"But-"

"Nope. You're staying right there."

And already Yukito's eyes were heavy, too late for further protest anyway.

"You should go back to school... the teacher..."

Yukito's eyes closed.

"I'm staying right here."

**Love that holds us.**_New moon._

Yukito woke up, properly, and felt that this, finally, was something different. Not quite as it had started, but also far beyond anything he had hoped for. The snow was falling gently. Spring would come, in its own time. Yukito decided he wasn't in any particular hurry. And with his new coat that Touya had helped him pick out, a shade of deep but not too dark blue, he felt quite warm even as he saw the breathes of air above his head every few seconds. It was peaceful.

He was late, but not panicking. Just a few minutes, and it wasn't because he was tired but because he had stopped to look out the window for a few moments in the middle of eating a large (but not scarily so), breakfast, and again after locking the front door behind him. It was a beautiful day, even if the cherry blossoms wouldn't be out for another few weeks. He looked forward to that time, although not impatiently.

"Yuki!"

He saw Touya then, dark against all the white starkness of everything else, and began to run towards him, just because he could.

"To-ya!"

It felt so good, the wind rushing past him like it hadn't done in a long time. And there was that stirring within him like at any moment he could just suddenly sprout giant soft wings and leave the ground, soar higher right up to the moon-

"Oomph!"

He felt silly lying there, his glasses a few feet away. So much for the flying part. But he couldn't help but smile widely as Touya helped him up. His expression must have been infectious, because suddenly Touya was laughing with him and even though they would probably be a little late, they sat where Yukito had landed and laughed together. The last apprehensive thought slipped away with the wind, and Yukito knew it would be okay. It _was_ different from before - nobody could go back, he new. But being there, in that moment with Touya, surrounded by everything that promised something new again in just a few short weeks... that was something that had never before been shown to Yukito with such amazing clarity.

So amazing that he didn't know how he had the audacity to do what he did next. He leaned over to kiss Touya's laughing mouth, felt the initial surprise and then - the thing that made the moment truly extraordinary - felt Touya moving closer, kissing him right back.

It was just a quick moment, but it was enough to make Yukito understand why, perhaps, he had gone through everything else if this was what had awaited him at the other end.

"We should hurry up, you know. There's school-"

Touya grasped his hand and pulled him up, nodding in agreement. "Let's run", he suggested. "Unless..." He looked hesitant, worried for just a second before Yukito dragged him forward.

"Come on!"

His head was clear, his feet obeying thought obeying instinct. _This was right._ That was what the voice said, and Yukito didn't care what part of him it was coming from. The _'I love you's_ would come later. For now, this was all Yukito needed to feel.


End file.
